to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
