Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Boobs speak an international language.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
