I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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