I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
