I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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