she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
