i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
