my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
