my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
