Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is my gift to your gina
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
