i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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