i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
