I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
