please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
