Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize