I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
