He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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