Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
