OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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