When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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