Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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