I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.