i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My lighter is stuck in my beard.