Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR