I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.