I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
