my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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