My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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