Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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