They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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