Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
