Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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