Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
