His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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