At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
