im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
