I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
