fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
