all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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