it hurts more in the daytime
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
