It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
