New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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