Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
