remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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