Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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