I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
