I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My vagina is officially offended.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
