I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
