it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize