If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize