I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
