I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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