Cold hands, warm shart.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize