I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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