So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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