sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
