I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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