I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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