Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
