She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
40s are totally the cure
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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