I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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