dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
